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Birthday Celebrations

“What are you giving me for my birthday?”, We had been hearing this from our second born almost two months from the actually date! She was supposed to be turning fourteen but behaved like a six year old!There were debates about whether she should have a party at home; a party in a restaurant or no party at all. Believe me for a person who was fourteen many years ago it was confusing to say the least. I couldn’t understand why she couldn’t be consistent in her desires!

What I remember of my birthdays is that Parents bought you new clothes and whatever you wanted (there was a financial limit to this!) and a small party with a cake to cut. Now of course clothes were to be bought not so much for the pleasure of the birthday baby as for the parents! The party and cake are mandatory (the party could be dispensed with if the child so desires!) the most important thing is the GIFT. I remember it was fun to unwrap the gifts with anticipation- it was such a pleasure to get unexpected presents! But now the main (The most expensive gift) had to be discussed, debated, wheedled and bargained for months before the actual day. Normally our great teenager would start talking about the next GIFT at the end of the birthday party,”What will you get me for my next birthday?”

The concept of celebrating birthdays has changed over the years. In India it was a time to go to the temple and get blessed by the Gods; wear new clothes; seek the blessing of all elders by touching their feet; eat a lovely breakfast with all our favorite things- all this was in the morning. In School we would distribute chocolates and stand in front of the class and allow the class to sing “Happy Birthday” in unison – this was the only day we were allowed to wear “civil dress”to school! The evening was solely devoted to a party and later to opening the presents and then to blissful slumber till the next birthday came up.

Now of course the idea of temple visits have all but disappeared; you have to be prodded by the mother to go and seek the elder’s blessings; morning is to cut the cake hurriedly as its getting late for school- though the school celebration remains more or less the same- the evening party is no longer the simple party we used to have; it is organized either professionally or amateurishly with the right background so that it looks good in the photos and videos! The child is of course dressed in the most expensive clothes possible and behaving like a young lady or gentleman! The gifts they receive are much more expensive than we ever did though the pleasure of opening gifts is still there!

One would think that the onus on the parents have reduced to some extent but no! the planning of the menu; the buying of the return gifts; the making of the guest list, all take a small degree in management to get through (In fact I would advice all young mothers and to be ones to take a short course in event management) In fact in large cities birthday parties are big business. Old fashioned ones like me still like to do it at home and have got away with it most of the time but I suppose the newer mums are in for it!

This transition from the Indian to the western way of festivities are a little worrying. We have rich culture, so a lot of wonderful festivals. I don’t think we need to add to them like all the “DAYS” that have been added to by “The Archie’s” brand for their own sales! I suppose it is easier to celebrate today’s galas than our pujas and festivals which require enthusiasm, preparation and lots of time. In the days of instant coffee and fast food its better to celebrate instant days!

The sound of theTram

Amidst the excitement of what has been happening in Egypt for the last eighteen days I have been garnering material to teach myself the most important lessons of life. There was a lot of activity. First the disbelieve that anything important would come out of the movement, then the move to the guest house for a week not so much because we felt unsafe but to save Junu the forty five minutes drive to and fro from the work place and of course to appease the apprehensions of the two sets of parents back in India!Next was coming back home and waiting for something to happen and then the wonder and excitement of a historic moment.

As I have mentioned in my other blog post that I had been a witness to the violence that preceded the revolution, what I had not mentioned is that I was on a darkened balcony of our tenth floor apartment!The couple of days that followed is when I discovered that one can live without the internet (At that time I felt frustrated :))
In fact I used to spend watching TV and knitting and keep my hands occupied!(My hands were missing the keyboard)Normally the family has fun spending their lives in front of their own private LCD screens!But now Mubarak made sure we sat together in front of a common LCD and did things together! We discussed History, Politics and aired and argued for our views and did what I as a pre-internet era child used to do! We even had cups of tea with Mickey (She got out of drinking her two cups of milk daily!) I jumped every time the bell rang; peered through the keyhole only to see either our maid or the laundry man outside!

When we decided to shift to the guest house till all was back to normal, I didn’t want to leave my sea view and naturally lighted apartment. It was a different experience in the guest house- I finished a lot of my knitting; read books; met a lot of people; aired my views and DID NOT COOK! quite a good holiday in fact. By the end of the week I wanted to cook! ( I cannot believe it even now!)

We were soon back home; I luxuriated in my own space for the first half an hour; If I had been a dog I would have rolled on the floor! After that we went for a small walk to San Stefano to get Mickey a Mac D! She was desperate for something non-veg after a week of vegetarian food! The curfew was set to start at seven and it was already six twenty! So we rushed to get it and managed to do so! There was ten minutes left as we approached the tram line and the tram chugged past us slowly and I was impatient to be back before the dead line.The tram was full of people all trying to be back before the time limit and it stopped let a car pass and I

was already jumping out of my skin!

When we did reach home with minutes to spare I realized that the tram I was so irritated with had been a symbol of normalcy in my mind all through the days of revolution. I remember asking Junu in the initial days whether the tram was running, if it was then my mind was at peace!

When the traffic had stopped for the six seven days I could hear the sound of the sea from my bedroom and used to feel contented but it is the sound of the tram that goes unfailingly by at different times of the day that gives me the satisfaction that “the sky is blue;God is smiling; everything is all right with the world!”

The tumult!




When I woke up on 25th January 2011 I had no clue to what would be happening soon. What ensued is there- emblazoned in every newspaper and news channels across the world- I don’t think I need to go over it! Anyway I would prefer not to go over it because it will open old wounds of whoever loves this country.

Before I stepped into this place almost an year ago I had been apprehensive of living in a new land with a new culture and new language. The moment I entered Alexandria and gazed at the variously shaded Mediterranean I pushed all the doubts to some dark corner of my mind and got ready to enjoy this phase in my life.

Believe me the months that followed were a travelogue of discovering this lovely land which was so rich in history, beauty and warmth that I almost forgot that I was a foreigner living in an alien land! Wherever I went I was welcomed and appreciated as a person and as an Indian. I never felt stifled or discriminated and assumed that the people were contented and satisfied. In fact I had even commented once that “even the poor in the villages were always smiling and happy in spite of their poverty!” I never ever got a hint of the simmering discontent that must have been brewing even then.

Slowly as I got to know the people and the politics of the country I was introduced to a side of this centuries old nation which I had dubbed as Utopian! Having lived in India and seen repression, corruption and other political whirlpools, the things that these people complained about seemed minor to me and I thought it was just a passing discontentment.

But it wasn’t! the volcano burst and the lava of hate and the heat for freedom poured out of Tahrir square and engulfed all that which came in its path! The lovely tree lined avenues, the highways, the buses, the beautiful buildings all burned in the fury of this. The worst was that the economy of this country was breaking into pieces and the contentment that I had seen on the faces of the villagers were wiped out. I saw arson and looting right in front of my eyes and felt helpless that I could not do anything to stop it- for history and beauty were both being destroyed and here I was helpless to do anything to stop it.

It was a sad day when I woke up to see and hear about all the atrocities that were committed by one man against another- for what are we doing this? I refuse to discuss what is right and what is wrong- Who am I to give any kind of judgment?
What I do know is I am not able to go for my walks on the Corniche freely ;what I do know is that I do not smile at the people I meet on the roads; what I do know is that I do not dwaddle on the streets admiring the road dividers and the sculptors that dot them; what I do know and see are people hurrying to get back to the safety of their homes with no time to smile or no time to advertise their wonderful country.

I am only a bystander who is a witness to history being created. I know that change is what propels us forward but the change has to be at the right time and place. Yes freedom is an expensive commodity and many lives and property are lost to garner it. But along with freedom which gives us rights comes a lot of responsibilities- if the people are ready for it I wish them all the best- go ahead and get what is your right. But remember to do so in a mature and adult manner for remember to give absolute freedom to a child is to mislead it………

Crossing The Seven Lanes


The weather here has been more like London than like Alexandria! Its been rainy stormy, drizzly and sunny. So I had not been venturing out except to warm heated malls for recreation.

A couple of days ago we did go for a brief walk on the Corniche to face the turbulent foamy sea and to let the crashing waves spray a mist on our face.It takes about twenty minutes to reach our favorite place- going through the windy by lanes; going through the subway to cross the busy road and then on to walk by the sea to reach this rather empty place where one can walk without jostling with people!

Well we proceeded as usual and I wrinkled up my nose as we crossed the subway (to say that I dislike it is an understatement!) and we emerged into the dwindling light to encounter a stranger! The sea which is normally placid at this point was crashing against the concrete walk and rocks that line the walk; it was dark, cloaked in midnight blue trimmed with the fur of foam. It was a dangerous and dark beauty that waited to escort us on our walk! The normally crowded promenade was deserted except for a few cigarette smoking couples and boys.

I was glad of the layers of clothing that enveloped me- the wind swished around my unprotected face and had fun drying my lips and chilling my nose. But it felt good to feel the cold take a generous bite into me; to feel the blood carousing in my veins; to feel that- yes! life was worth it!

As we neared OUR WALK I could hear the sea raging like a wounded lion and I pleasurably anticipated meeting my latest crush (After all absence makes the heart grow fonder!)a couple of weeks back a storm had hit Alex and we had seen the raging sea and the torrential rain from the warmth of the house; never actually believing or wanting to believe the destruction it had wrecked. When we emerged from behind a huge construction machinery it was to see Our path had been destroyed by the enraged sea; it looked as if it had been hit by an earthquake. The concrete path lay miserably wet and broken and our favorite seat was unreachable. I don’t know whether it was the wind or the fact that nature could destroy such “strong”constructions so easily that chilled my bones. We did try and sit to feel the caress of the spray but it was too disturbing and we decided to walk back home.

Retuning has always been a bone a contention between us as I always want to cross the highway at that point and go back so that we avoid the subway! I always point out at the youngsters who do so (Forgetting that we are no longer youngsters!)But normally I bow down to the lord and master’s wishes and play “better safe than sorry”to the hilt! I was surprised when L&M suggested that we try crossing the seven lanes to go to the other side. I was of course ready (age has not dimmed my adventurous spirit!)We waited till the frequency of the speeding cars zipping past reduced and then hand in hand we crossed the first seven lanes quite easily and we waited on the green divider that looks so beautiful when we drive past them- We balanced and walked on it for some time hoping for the same thing as before but it looked like there was no stopping the cars going back! After a lot of false starts we did manage to cross it ( at one point we were between two lanes of zipping cars). I am sure we would have got dirty looks from all the drivers that had to swerve to miss us but the pounding heart and the tingling nerves were worth it! A lovely excitement in a concrete jungle! Not that I advise anyone to repeat it but I would do it again if I had to!

Life is lot like that! When you have the right hands to hold whether its the seven rounds around the holy fire or the seven ages of man or the seven lanes on the highway – the whole process is an experience worth going through!

The Currency graph

When I woke up to a cold morning today, it was drizzling. I love the cold, so I felt energized, (after a long time I had woken up without being prodded!)I went about doing the morning chores as usual but I think with a little spring in my steps(at least in my mind!)

When Junu showed me the beautiful rainbow in the sky over the sea it was lovely! But as he was behaving like a child who has just seen his first rainbow, I couldn’t do the same could I? I maintained a dignified demeanor! I realized later that it had been a waste of an emotion.I mean why can’t we let go sometimes and behave in the true manner of our hearts?? Anyway the moment had gone so there is nothing more to say about that.

The new year has begun; A new decade in fact; the last decade has been turbulent to say the least! Not only for me personally but for the world as well. Terrorism has spread and has reincarnated itself like the hydra and we can only go on cutting off its head one at a time to keep it in some semblance of our perspective, when we will reach its immortal head and slay it? Or when will Hercules come and complete this modern task is indeed the question that continues to trouble all of us. But we live on in hope for an non existence Utopia!

Other than indulging in playing games on the computer I have developed a new interest- I keep on checking the dollar to rupees conversion on the net and looking at the squiggly graphs that very miraculously come up at the touch of a tab!I look at the hourly one; the daily one; the monthly one and than the yearly one. I don’t know what kind of pleasure it gives me but I do (No explanations for my latest weirdness!)

I just wish there was a tab to check my life’s graph and see the ups and downs and based on that predict the next decade of ups and downs in my life!

Today the graph has peaked whether its the dollar or me – I leave it for you to figure out!

Happy new year with the hope that every graph peaks (especially the ones related to each one of us) and all the colours of the rainbow amalgamate in our dreams and take us where we desire

The Onion Peel

This concept of existence as an onion has really appealed to me, so I thought I would explore this topic.

I know I am me but I don’t know who I was or who I will be! The fact that our likes and dislikes change with time is not a new funda, its an accepted fact of life but what I am talking about is that if I were to travel back in time to when I was sixteen I suspect I would meet a stranger.

Because I have the memory of this life time- I remember a young teen who thought that she was right but that no one ever understood her (I think most teens go through this phase!), she was fighting with boys (Mostly verbal but sometimes physical too!) protecting “her weaker girl friends from their predatory boy friends” and trying to excel in everything! (Jack of all trade……)

When I meet the person with the same name ten years later I meet another stranger who is absolutely different from the teen I talked about a few lines earlier- the only thing these two shared is their physical features!

Every half a decade the layers are peeled off and though we see the same onion a little smaller ( In this case a little larger- physically) the actual essence is so different! The pungency; the anger; the flavor- everything is so away from the last layer.

As I wander through the labyrinth of time, I wonder, who I will meet on this road we call time? What will happen when all the layers have been peeled off? Do I get to meet the real existence? Or will I miss it before it disappears? Or will “I”go into another existence searching for the last one or waiting for the final layer in a larger context to be peeled off?

But One thing I am sure of is, every time a layer is peeled off I cry for what I missed out; I cry for what could have been; I cry for the pain and the happiness…

Crying for me is not a negative emotion, it is a healing process; its a growing process; it is the other half ….

Being Busy

You know? Its nice to be back with you again. The dusty summers have mellowed into warm sunshine filled Autumn. That lovely winter chill in the air- just an appetizer for the bone chilling cold which I think I will experience after eighteen years!

Life has been very full, very crammed at certain moments- its a good feeling not to have mind space to think; to be so tired by the end of the day it doesn’t matter if the dishwasher has been put on or not! Yet people ask me how I fill my days? In a normal social occasion I smile and say “Oh! lots of things!” but seriously I have this very busy mind which never lets me be alone. (Yet I and many other people have labeled me as a -Loner)In fact I have been so “busy”that I haven’t been able to speak with you. You might say-Ha! whats the great deal? I didn’t miss you!” But I did miss you – you are one of my many commitments which keep me “busy”

Young mothers ask me “Your children are almost grown up what do you do the whole day?”I am waiting for them to grow up and realize that children don’t keep you busy, its your mind; your duty driven feelings that keep you busy! All of us go through that stage and think that’s the most important stage in life- but is it? I look back and remember the hours and days I used to spend so that my little ones would get three proper meals a day. Life was one round of feeding and preparing food! Age has brought wisdom and I realize that if a child is hungry he will eat. But my sense of insecurity and inexperience made me do that. Let me be very clear – I am not complaining- I just want to say that life was busy then and life is busy now, only my priorities have changed.

When I was in collage I used to want to do so many things- paint, stitch, write, read, knit, crochet,fly, drive, embroider…. the list is endless, I did many of these things; some I completed some I didn’t but I always rued the fact that the day did not have more than twenty four hours (I did and I still do “Love to sleep”!) Now I have the time to indulge in these and some new pursuits without feeling guilty- does that make me less busy? you answer this one!

I have been planning to go round walking in Alex and taking snaps of all the small works of art that decorate the dividers and crossing of this beautiful city and put it up for you to see- the key word here is “planning”. Here I am a almost retired mother not having the time to do such a simple thing! I wonder whether I am just plain lazy or disorganized?

Many corporates hire the services of consultants to figure out how to improve, increase and instigate better performance. Do you think its time we “almost retired or completely retired mothers”should take their help? I need answers- even to-be-mothers,fully occupied mothers, to-be-fathers, fully occupied fathers and soon-to-be retired fathers and retired fathers can join in this discussion and give me a feed back.

Erasing the line

Its a good feeling to see India doing well at the commonwealth games. What is this about this crazy country of ours that we mismanage everything yet come out with honors??!!Suddenly after what I feel is eons,I am missing Delhi! I am missing the waiting for the University special on a cold winter misty morning.I miss eating the hot samosas at the univ canteen after a scintillating lecture from the newly appointed handsome professor!I even miss hanging on to the straps in the bus through the hour’s journey, dead tired but still enjoying the process.

We didn’t have the metro then. Eve teasing was rampant yet few girls those days had much choice; if you didn’t take the DTC, you stayed at home!So we moved in groups, avoided eye contact with “those” kind of boys. Sat in bus stops and passed comments on the innocent ones!

I miss walking around Janpath picking up bargains. I miss wearing the eternal jeans which were like a uniform. I miss going to the Hanuman mandir on Tuesdays- not because I was religious but to accompany a friend who was. I miss coming back home half sleepy, being fed by Ma and going to sleep under the blanket for an hour or so. What bliss!

Great men tell us not to look at the past and that we must live in the present as this is the only reality. But sometimes when we are walking on a beautiful road we come to a dead end- what do we do? Either we turn back and go through the pleasures of the time past or we break the dead end and move forward. To break open a dead end requires immense amount of strength. It is almost nigh impossible to gather this power when we are just awaking from an orgy of pleasant happiness. This is when we need to move back from reality, gather our energy like a high jumper poised before taking off and then string our bow taut and let free the arrow to be able to crash into the black reality facing us. Sometimes the happy past can act as a fuel for this.

The sea is misty today. I can hardly make out the line dividing the sea and the sky. Its time we realize that there is only a line dividing life and after life.

Serpent in Eden!


While reading the book of Genesis, I felt that the whole story was a comedy of errors! Both Adam and Eve were so very flat in the beginning; interesting thing began to happen only when the serpent came into Eden! How much ever we refuse to meet the Devil’s eye, we cannot refute the fact that he was handsome and intelligent. How easily he manipulated the humans! And even God’s string was indirectly pulled by him.

The eternal question of who was to be blamed, will never be satisfactorily answered. Personally I don’t blame Eve, I mean how long can an averagely intelligent human being, just eat and breath? The story had to go forward and the serpent provided the catalyst. The whole atmosphere was at a bursting point, if it had not been the serpent it would have been something else! Not that I blame Adam either, the poor thing did not have much choice did he? Only one friend, companion and wife with whom he was to spend eternity!What other avenues were open for him? They both made their own independent choice and must have regretted it many a times in their life. But it is this choice which gave them the first taste of freedom- before this they were birds in a golden cage! Just imagine the human race would never have been there but for the slimy serpent! Eternity of Adam and Eve!

The Yin Yang philosophy best illustrates my argument. If Yin is not there, there is no Yang, as they represent a whole, one is incomplete without the other. Of course to label yin yang as good/bad or negative/ positive is to limit its deeper meaning but superficially it does pander to my ideas!

If there was no death would we appreciate life? If there was no ugliness would we appreciate beauty? If there was no pain would we appreciate happiness? Just imagine how many feelings we would have skipped if Eve had not eaten that apple!

It is just that, in the wheel of life, when we are down, life is the pits. When we analyze why such a thing had to happen or is happening? We wallow in the bog of ifs and buts and sink deeper into it. There is no point in reflecting on what went wrong its better to think of how to set it right!

Its the Greek who actually understood what the human mind needs and they introduced the concept of tragedy and catharsis!

The sea is a little murky today, I wait on in the hope that it will clear up soon.

Falling and Rising


It feels good to be back after a hiatus of almost two months. The last two months have been rather busy- traveling, meeting people and getting to know them better. How strange that many of our preconceived notions can break down in nanoseconds if we allow ourselves to be fluid in our outlook!

Discovering that people are actually Good till we turn them not so good is one of the amazing discoveries that no one ever chronicles. It takes age and time to discover this. I think the arrogance of youth is the main obstacle that prevents us from discovering this wonderful truth of life.

Controlling one’s impulses is actually healthy! (When I was in the XIth one lady whom I used to look up to had told me that most of our ailments come due to the fact that we suppress our impulses, “See”,she would say,”How healthy all the birds and animals are, they never fall ill- it’s all because they never suppress their impulses- they eat when they are hungry, drink when thirsty and shit when they feel the urge to!” ) This actually ruled me for many of my formative years and I would speak fearlessly of my opinions and ideas without a second thought and with conviction. It did help me in college, specially during seminars and presentations but… a big ‘BUT’ is whether it endeared me to my friends? I really don’t know, not even now! They were too polite to argue with me then! It is only now that I realize that sometimes they actually hurt the atmosphere around us and nothing in life is more important than human relationships!

One more notion that tumbled down like Humpty Dumpty is that, once you have seen something (Here I mean Monuments) you have seen it all! Well I went to see the Giza Pyramids for the second time and discovered how wrong I was! Its like going to a growing garden- every time you go there – there is something new to see and appreciate. How is that many of us spend an hour at these sites of civilization and expect to know all, is a mystery?

Silently accepting my drawbacks and trying to make amends has enriched me personally and after a long time the sea is echoing my mood- a little dark, a little turbulent but still warm and inviting!