Tag: apple

The other woman!

It all started with Apple! Siri was the root cause of all my problems! I never had been an apple fan (half my family is though!) particularly “the still in the teen” one. But from the time I was exposed to the I phones and macs I had a tendency to criticize all their limitations. The only product I liked was the I pad. To cut a long story short while the rest of the family dabbled in “Apple” I stubbornly stuck to my HP computers and Samsung phones. (I still do).

I must confess though, that I was intrigued with SIRI when it was introduced in 2011/12. I did grow up with the idea of robots and this interactive voice module was as close as possible to this. When I was alone I would ask all sort of silly questions and abuse Siri when she didn’t get it right! I always got a reprimand over using foul language but that was the fun in the whole exercise!

One thing I have always been very good at is remembering directions. I do have a virtual compass in my brain and could and can find my way anywhere. But this was an instinctive thing, unaided by gadgets. So once in a while it would fail. I called this “My GPS is unplugged phase” We would then ask the nearest available human, “bhai where is XYZ located?” and we would most of the time be directed through many right, left and straight and would reach our destination safely.


When we started travelling abroad, especially in non-English speaking countries ,it became a little difficult. My GPS did not have any feeds, though we had the printed maps and we did manage somehow. The dénouement entered our travelogues when Google maps was introduced into our phones! Life became so easy! We could drive anywhere on our own, we could find Indian restaurants along with feed backs (Staying for prolonged periods without Indian food is rather challenging!) The mobile bills were rather challenging too but we put it under travel expenses to erase the guilt!

In the convenience of the moment I allowed the “Camel” to poke its nose into my tent. I fed the snake with milk of kindness! My importance as an instrument of travel was slowly diminishing, I still was the family navigator- (go right after 100 meters)- awake and alert I directed everyone everywhere. I did not see the impending doom!

Soon after Siri, google introduced the voice direction on Google maps (hence my blaming Siri!) and my services were terminated! The phone was conveniently placed in its holder and it could go on giving directions without falling asleep or getting distracted by the cows in the meadows! I still had not been able to see the shadow of apocalypse, as this allowed me to nap when I was not driving and gave me good confidence when I was.

Lately I suddenly realized that this voice is omnipresent whenever we go out. We have been living in Mumbai for almost ten years. We have shifted to different localities, but this has only enhanced my map feeds and I know most of the alleys and shortcuts. The head of the family never had a head for directions! Most of the time he was dependent on me and this made me feel needed!

My eyes opened to a new development in our married life. My husband was in love! He confessed it to the children and indirectly to me. “I never go out without her!” he had said  this umpteen times before I realized that a third entity had entered the sacred portal of our marriage vows! Some experienced matron had advised me when I had got married – that never let an unmarried girl get too friendly with your husband and never invite them home! I had, after twenty-five years fallen into this trap!

The ‘she’ I realized is the female voice of the google maps! She had taken over my place for directing my non directional husband and he was wallowing in his new found freedom of not being dependent on me! The other woman had entered our lives not during the seven-year itch but during our silver year! I cannot compete with a live feed of millions of people and the satellite that google uses. But once in a while when the signal goes off or the dumb female speaks about some unpronounceable name of the road to confuse us, I have that smug look to comfort myself. I know that I am irreplaceable but this “other woman” is giving me a run for my money!

The bug in the Apple

The balding, white haired old man came and said “Hi! Didi”, I woke up from this nightmare with a jump. (You see, I think of myself as an eternal twenty one year old and this person referring to me as an older sister is like a nightmare!). Anyway I was now half awake; I opened the flap of my cell phone to check the time. It was one A.M. in the morning; it was all silent outside; the Ganesh Visarjan was either over or was too far away for us to hear the drums and songs.
I then noticed that my TT* was missing from the bed. I know she is not the kind who would stay up so late to study. I tumbled out of bed and padded barefoot to the living room to see madam sitting at the table with the mac opened and her I phone attached to it like a patient on life support! There were plenty of wires, all trailing over the table, chair and floor. Before I continue I must tell you what happened earlier in the night…….

The 18th of September was D day for my little Apple Fan! You see the new iOS7 was going to be released that day. From the morning itself, I had heard it almost a hundred times as to what an exciting day it was going to be. Though I tried to muster up the same enthusiasm I failed miserably! For once the bitten Apple fan did not notice my failure and she enumerated the many advantages of the new Operating System. There was a test at school but the only thing on her mind was the great OS! I wasn’t expecting any great results in the test.
The ETA was 10 o’clock India time. Thankfully we had finished our dinner by then and most of the homework had been completed. The elder sister was trying to tutor her in math; of course the mind not being there, the inevitable argument ensued and both of them went their own way (the final outcome of all disagreements!)
“Oh My God! Oh My God!”
The scream that announced this was obviously to be noted and we both looked up to see an excited TT…
“It’s come, it’s come!”
It sounded as if “It’s a boy” by the nurse outside the delivery room!
“It’s installing, OMG! it started” all the while jumping around the room in excitement. For a moment I forgot she was sixteen- she seemed about five years old.
Older sister rolled her eyes and we both looked at each other and smiled indulgently.
We got busy with our nightly routine. She continued sitting at the table …..
At 11.30, I realized that she was nowhere near the bed and I asked her why she wasn’t coming.
There was frustration writ large on her face, “it didn’t install correctly, there is an error, and I have to do it again!”
Feeling sorry for her I left her to her devices and went to bed.

Coming back to my 1 A.M. sojourn……..
“Why aren’t you in bed? Don’t you have school?” I mumbled half asleep.
“Oh! Ma! It’s installing; should get over in fifteen minutes; will come to bed after that…”
Too sleepy to argue I went back to sleep.
The alarm woke me up at six o’clock and what do I see??????
The bitten apple fan on the bed looking at her i-phone with stars in her eyes!
“It’s done, it’s done”, she whispered loudly as soon as she realized I was awake.
This followed a whole lot of “sort of” technical details and extolling of the virtues of the new OS! I was made to look at the new interface and the different colours and even Siri’s new human voice! Bleary eyed and with a muddled mind I absorbed all this to the best of my ability and got out of my bed totally apple blasted!
From that moment till she left for school it was …
“Have you seen how this looks?”
“Have you seen how smoothly this moves?”
“Isn’t this so much classier?”
As soon as I was fully awake I tried to dampen her a little by being wicked…
“Android already has this”
But no effect!
She went and updated my i-pad during this time and tried to update the elder sister’s too (It was being done when the bus arrived so she was not successful!)
As she constantly whatsapps during her bus ride, she sent one message to her father that he must update his i pad, complete with instructions in bold letters (in case he couldn’t “hear” her!).
Her dad was amused at her enthusiasm and went on to update his tablet.
The evening after school, of course continued in this vein and I was deluged with repeat information about the GREAT OS! (She had forgotten that she had told me all and shown me all, in the early morning!)
The excitement continues even as I am writing this. The worm in the apple has not only bitten my little one….. My sister –in –law has already sent instruction to her brother that he must update his tablet, hence his amusement at the two ladies in the family going a little wonky at the birth of the i-OS 7!