Tag: happiness

….For the love of a book

It’s been a hectic month so far! Lots have been happening…. I had been sitting on my third book for the last (which I must say has been topsy turvy!) year. I don’t want to go into details but safe to say that I have not stayed at home for a month at a stretch. Either I have been traveling to other cities or the hospital!

Well, I decided enough is enough and proceeded with my publisher to publish the book. “Weave Some More” my latest novel, has literally woven webs of confusion, distractions, and plenty of new learnings.

I learned how important it was to advertise the book, I also learned that I need to join like-minded groups, and also to keep my ear to the ground to hear the rumblings about the book.

Though I have used Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn to let the world know about the birth of my books, I have not used it methodically (So my publisher says). So I put myself into their expert hands to do the serious work and continued my amateur bumbling on Social Media!

I was soon flooded with a lot of requests from many groups who wanted to follow me or talk about my book or my writing process. It was flattering, to say the least, but it was a lot of work, nevertheless. One more pleasant surprise was how many of them wrote their own interpretations of the book and posted them on different platforms. I am grateful.

Facebook was filled with congratulatory messages from many of my friends and relatives. But I wonder how many of them did read the book. The best compliment a writer ever gets is when he realizes that his book has been read and critiqued (even if it is a bad one!) I am extremely grateful to the handful who made it a point to message me with their thoughts or wrote reviews on various platforms.

I do realize that in this day of the internet and video world, very few have the interest or the inclination to actually read a three-hundred-page book. Being a book lover I do not understand this trend, but then each to his own.

A book is like a living creature. Every time you read it, it throws out new ideas, nuances, and visions. A couple of people argue that what do we need with them? After all the internet is teeming with ideas and entertainment; why go through the pain of reading, exploring, and using your “noodle” to wallow in the pleasure of reading, processing, and creating your own world?

I have no arguments for or against the above theories. Only a book lover can really ‘feel’ the pleasure that seeps through him when he uses a writer’s words to create and travel through a world. The underlined word is ‘create’. It is true that the writer has created a world with his words but your vision of it is your own creation and thus you own it.

Whoever has the time to read this, please do answer the question, “which other entertainment path allows you to create and find fulfillment and gives you ownership of your reactions and emotions?

Saga of drivers across the world!




We are spoilt lot! Specially the middle class in India; we are not rich, but we have the comfort of a paramilitary army of helpers! We have the maids, the nannies, the drivers, the milkman, the newspaper boy, the gardener…. The list goes on. I would not have appreciated them if I had not gone abroad for a couple of years and learnt how difficult it was to get house help, leave alone the expenses involved.

Years back when the children were very young, we were privileged to have a life with a company provided car and driver, from then on till now the drivers have played an important part in my learning-about-life process.

The first time we had a non-Indian driver was when we were in Egypt. They are astoundingly different from ours. Other than being excellent drivers- manoeuvring the huge cars in small spaces and going through choc-a-bloc traffic like a hot knife in butter, they were a part of the family. They looked after our children like they were their own. They bargained for us at the vegetable market as if they were saving their own money. They cared for us when we were ill and celebrated our joy with the same enthusiasm that we did. I always forgot that they were from a different religion and  had different rituals!

How were they different from our erstwhile drivers? Except for a couple of drivers (We went through at least ten in ten years), specially the Mumbai ones, the drivers we have had were always out to swindle us; it could be overtime, or telling that the traffic police had caught them, or demanding holidays (we Indians have thirteen festivals in twelve months!). the question of them caring for us or vice-versa was almost next to nil. There was always a wall of suspicion between us!


The next type was the European one. We had a driver to take us through Italy and its beautiful countryside. He was of course different from either the Indians or the Egyptians. Extremely elegant, he was like an exalted guide; educated, articulate and informative. He neither gave us any information about himself nor asked us for any. Never did he follow us when we went sightseeing or advise us where to eat or what to buy. In the car however, he was a part of our family; friendly and humorous. But he had his lines which neither he nor we crossed!

Recently we had the opportunity of experiencing another set of drivers in the heavenly kingdom of Bhutan. The driver who was with us throughout the day was also our unofficial guide. He advised us about meals, regaled us with stories of this land of Buddha and took care of us in every possible way. Welcomed us with a smile (however early it was) and bade goodnight with the same smile (however late it might have been). He drove us to the base of the Tiger’s nest and climbed all the way up (believe me it is a torturous climb!) and came down insisting on carrying our backpack and then drove us back to the hotel! He knew I was in pain and never missed a chance to enquire about my wellbeing! By the time we left we were friends. What I realised was, they were not too well off in terms of money, but they were always filled with happiness; they were satisfied with their lives and grateful for what destiny had given them.  

Even the Taxi drivers had a smile on their face when they ferry you unlike the Uber drivers in the USA who think they are much superior to you!

We took a small break in Guwahati before braving the noise and crowd of Mumbai, here fortunately we had a good driver but being Indian they have their own barricades.

Landing in Mumbai, it was a cultural shock to be harassed by the Uber drivers! They neither have a smile nor an apology when they are late. In fact they will state their delay in such a way that you feel guilty that you asked them for a ride!

Could be the stress and pressure they go through make them this way (I am trying to empathise!) However it would be wonderful if they could learn that being happy in spite of adversity is not a crime; that a smile does not cost them a penny; responding to a thank you with a “Welcome” rather than grunt would not hurt either.

Believe me they earn triple the amount that a Bhutanese or an Egyptian driver does! Can you blame us for not having a full time driver in Mumbai?

Shopping dilemmas and Peaceful learning

“I think the teal set is a good one” the feminine voice was quietly insistent.


“You can get the spatula set to go with it too”

I turned curiously from my browsing, in the store, to look at the daily dramas that go around us all the time.





Mother and a young adult debating on what to buy. I wondered whether it was to set up a new house or just to refurbish mom’s old kitchen.

“What is the skimmer used for? “asked Mom.

“It’s like our Challni, to deep fry puris or to skim things off the surface” was the impatient answer

The attendant sales person was hovering around the duo with helpful comments to edge them to make a sale.





I went off to browse around the crockery department. There were a few “Happiness “cups. I was pondering whether or not I should add to my collection. “nah” I said to myself, “No place to keep the cups and more importantly no people to use them!” This is what the children call my Mall ritual! Every once in a while, I go to my favourite Mall and window shop. I have my favourite shops – electronics, books, home improvement and lastly the bags shop. This is how I keep myself up to date about what is new in the market.

I can the hear the impatient sighs of my readers! The questions like “what is the internet for?”, What about the online shopping sites? “or “the millions of forums”, abound around me. Well! To be honest I have been there and done that, but the heady feeling of being able to touch the soft bed-sheets or the fluffy towels can never be replaced by the all-angle photographs or live videos.

It’s the eternal argument of digital versus the printed books! I love the way, I research on my electronics (Cell phone, laptop or tablet) before I settle for one. I go to at least three to four establishment before I make up my mind to part with my money. I adore flipping through new books (the smell is so nostalgia filled!) and my god! All the bag shop sales person knows me personally! I pick up the bags, feel it, check each zipper then close my eyes and imagine where I would fit what into each of its receptacle. Then shake my head if it doesn’t fit my requirement and move onto the other. I have been looking for the perfect wallet to replace my three-year-old one but Alas! I have yet to find one.

Once upon a time, I window shopped because I lived on a budget with a growing family. Now though there is no budget, there is no necessity either! Irony of life. But the training of window shopping is still a lovely pastime. It is therapeutic, peaceful and indulgent. Not meant for the nine to five hard working young people but if they could squeeze in some time it is worth the effort!

Back to the present! The duo was still at it hammers and tong! Teal versus purple, coated versus plain, and plastic versus wooden (Spoon sets!). The mother was quiet and soft while the young adult-aggressive and a tad offensive and the poor sales person yo-yoing between the two! She wasn’t sure about who was paying and who was buying and so who should she support? She was, I realized, amusedly walking the tight rope between the two.

“The stone finish is better, beta”, the mother offered tentatively

“But the coated ones use less oil”, argued the ‘on-the-overweight’ side off-spring

“Not really”, murmured the experienced Mum, “they spoil much faster”

“Let them”, the belligerent voice rasped back, “I don’t plan to use it for more than two years!”

“Then buy the cheaper ones, use them and throw them”, advised the mater

“It won’t go with the deco, Ma!”

“Beta, why don’t you decide with the help of this young lady here? I need to pick up aroma candles for Mita Aunty. Give me a call when you are done”

Lovely lesson for every mother with a new adult in the family! Give your advice- it’s your duty as a mother but whether it’s taken or not should be left to the newly decisive person. It’s like voting we can only voice our opinion we cannot force someone to vote for our beliefs.

Curbing my impulse to intervene, I walked away. There was mixed feeling within me. I understood both their point of view. The one with the experience did not want her child to make mistakes, the other one wanted to make his own decision, make his mistakes and learn from them (Hopefully!)

But what cheered me up considerably was the gender of the young adult- A young man who was setting up his pad. He was planning to cook and live by himself and an Indian mother who was encouraging this. There is still hope for this country filled with gruesome gender figure ratios and female foeticide and dowry harassment! He might belong to 0.0025% of this huge population but it is a huge step nevertheless.

All of you who have criticized my worthless window shopping experience, know now that each time I go, I am a witness to small cameos of life which have the capacity to cheer me up and know that this is not the end of the world. Faith and hope will push us ahead despite ……. 

“DO YOU WORK?”


I have the time to stare and watch these days!

“What do you do the whole day?” a very common question aimed at me for the last four years is starting to get less and less irritating. Unfortunately I still haven’t framed a pert rejoinder to the query! I am working on it.

The young ones (college going, pre married and newly working ones) never ask me, maybe because they are not interested enough or they are at that age, self-centered! I love to spend time with them; they are normally positive and full of their experience in life. The newly married ones and new moms are also fine- they are busy with their lives and they believe, their problems are paramount and insurmountable! So O.K. they don’t pay too much of attention to how I spend my time!

It’s the rest of the world who are sometimes tiring with their predictable question (notice the singular “question”!)

I have had a very ordinary and predictable life. Studied, married, had children, worked for some time and now…….????

Another question I am accosted with frequently is “Do you work?”

Well of course I do! How else would a healthy person exist?

The definition of work is-be engaged in physical or mental activity in order to achieve a result- Just by being there I am working!

I wake up in the morning and look down at the beautiful garden below. It is teeming with life! (Sometimes I wake up at five in the morning and the well-lit garden is humming with activity)You would be amazed at what all people do early in the morning. (Being a night person, my brain refuses to work for an hour or so after I wake up!) There are the young ones with plugged up ears running and jogging, the middle aged ones (you can tell by their paunches!) walking energetically, the old ones talking a leisurely stroll and some undisciplined kids weaving in and out almost tripping people. I feel am I losing out on life, I don’t do all this…..But….

Some five- six years back I used to do all this (Not in the morning though! Usually evening) I enjoyed it too! I used to exercise vigorously, diet all the time and fill myself with diet snacks and fruits et al; have advised people to do the same. Just imagine making three kinds of meals, looking after kids and husband and “working” too! But I was never a rebel and I walked with the pack. Complaining about everything (price, maid, vegetables and you name it!)

After the first one left the nest, I slowly stopped obsessing about school and grades (the second one was lucky!)I gave more freedom to the younger one; stopped freaking out about “why 98 not 100?” I was lucky to go abroad where my dependency on maids  reduced considerably; petty politics at work was a thing of the past and I changed drastically, my whole attitude towards life changed. Whether that was a good thing or not, is for you to decide.

People were already saying,” soon your second one will leave – you must get back to work”. To be honest I mulled over it for some time and halfheartedly tried. Then one fine day I decided to leave the race! I wanted to stand and stare at the runners going ahead with their jogging shoes and water bottles’ I pod and headphones; determined and sweaty faces!

I have been blessed with an understanding husband who lets me do whatever I want to. I know he would love it if I went back into the “working” arena but he respects my wish, not to.

For the last four years, I have been fulfilling one of my life’s desires- to travel. I have traveled a lot and drunk in the pleasure of new civilizations, cultures, currencies and beauty. I have had the freedom to help my children settle down and begin their journey in and towards adulthood. Could I have done this if I had been “working”? I have gone on holidays not worrying about school holidays or leave applications. I have reduced my cribbing quotient and moved towards positivity in spite of all the negativity that surrounds me. Yes I have fallen ill but without feeling guilty that I have to take leave and stay at home. I believe that I am living life now. I know people will accuse me of being selfish, lazy and pleasure loving. Maybe I am that! But all of us deserve a break from the mundane grind of existence and I believe that after being good for so long, let me be a little evil!

To answer the very important “question” I do work. I work to run the house, I work to give emotional support to many people in my life, I work to keep a balance of yin yang in the family, I work to see that life is running smoothly for the people who have done so for me, now. I am the finance minister, the home minister, the education minister, the foreign affairs minister… all rolled into one.

So my young and old friends learn that we all have our roles to play at all times during our life. It is important that we find our niche and enjoy what we do. All of us are working towards a common goal of reaching out to happiness. Even the beggar works!

I read and play, I am learning to enjoy cooking (I have always hated it till now!) I am learning to explore and discover. I am learning! That’s the important thing. The day I stop learning I will die and then you can ask me “What do I do the whole day?” Now twenty-four hours is not enough for me!

The main thing is to fulfill your responsibilities and still enjoy the process of life!